As many people know I am a huge people pleaser. I have gotten better on focusing on myself and having more “me” time but I still seem to find myself putting so much energy into relationships. There is nothing wrong with making time for people but when your the one always putting the effort in it can be exhausting. There is no one to blame except yourself, and I am currently learning that at 30 years old. I struggle all the time with the same thing, I put so much energy and time into people and it is rarely reciprocated. This is not a “woe is me” statement, it is the truth, now does it mean the people do not care the same as me no not necessarily. Honestly, it is my nature but for my sanity I need to change my ways.
I have a very clingy personality, no I did not come to this on my own (the benefits of honest family members). The truth is I don’t like to hang out with many people so when I find people I mesh well with I do tend to hang onto that and run with it. I spend so much time wondering how people don’t act like I do instead of accepting I cannot change people but I can change how I let it effect me.
I’m hopeful that my new journey down South helps me mentally as well as physically and spiritually. I will be forced to re learn to be alone again as I will be living solo with just my two fur babies. Having my sister and her family 5 minutes down the road helps and I know I’ll see them but I need to focus on myself in this new chapter. Now for me that will be a challenge, I am going to want to be with them any free time I have but I know that won’t help me in the long run.
Sometimes it hits me, if I were to put in even half the effort I do on other things on myself I would probably be in tip top shape! I can only go up from here, don’t get me wrong I am in awe at where I was March of 2019 to now. Not everyone gets the opportunity to start over and I am very thankful for this chance, for the first time in my life I cannot foresee what my future looks like & I am excited!!