Twice in one week how did y’all get so lucky? I don’t know about you all but I am a podcast junkie! I love listening on my way to work, on break and at the gym, my top favorites are Directionally challenged – Whine down- and Family Secrets. These pod casts make me laugh out loud while in the car, cry sometimes, and always make me think! Some of the latest made me realize there is no one survival guide to get someone through what you may be going through right now.
I feel amazed at what I have gone through and how far I have come in three months, I have people telling me its amazing etc. to me there just was no other choice. I was not going back to my moms house, I couldn’t go back to my mother in laws and I could not afford my house anymore solo so that left me with putting my big girl pants on and finding a place of my own.
A story I have not mentioned yet is how I was wrongfully let go at my job I had for 4.5 years, because I was going through a rough time and something I had no control over. I could have been a “sue” happy person put it that way but I had enough going on so I put that to rest & 2 weeks later got a new job. This job actually has a lunch break, I don’t bring my work home, its stress free and I am appreciated. I am thankful for the old job, I learned a lot and made some lifelong friends and for that I am grateful.
I wonder if I made a survival guide on how to go from being a united front for 12 years to being solo in a matter of hours, to loving and living with your best friend to living in a lonely but beautiful apartment,to having people drop me like a fly because my life is “too much” for them; like are you kidding me right now?!!?! The truth is I can’t write how I survived because I just do, I am a work in progress; striving each day to get over this funk, start taking care of myself and learn to be Nicholle just Nicholle ( yes that is my real name 🙂 )
I spent like two months waking up saying “what the actual F***” sorry but not sorry it is true, I just cannot explain what is in my mind and some days I still wake up and wonder like what in the world, where did my old life go? Who was the man I slept next too all these years? How will I ever be okay again? The truth is I will be, one day I will look back at this chapter and say Holy Hell I made it through in utter amazement. Do I miss my life, of course, it was freaking fantastic. I had my best friend as my husband, I was leading a teen ministry with my husband , I had a good group of people around me and I was genuinely happy.
The truth is, I have a better group of people around me now the people who are amazing, my rocks, my team, my fellow warriors. I have no hate in my heart, all I have is love and I don’t hold grudges. I have to live for me and become the best me! That is one of the only bits of survival tips I have at this moment, is become the best you, surround yourself with those worthy of you and people who make you feel better and happier around them. There will be people who wonder how you are so nice to those who wrong you or hurt you and you can say what I say, I don’t answer to you, I answer to my Lord and that is all. I do not need human approval, I have this heart for a reason. Lord knows I could truly have become a monster these past few months, a hateful, angry human but I am thankful that did not happen because that is not who I was built to be.
There are days I am extra upset, a little extra angry, maybe have a five minute pity party but so what?! If that is what gets you through that particular day then so be it. I really hope my struggles touch someone else, in any capacity really. I started this blog when I had my old life and I will continue to write until no one wants to hear me anymore.