New is scary…

Hey all,

Those who know me know that an important date came and went since I last wrote, those who don’t know me but read my blog; June 2nd was my wedding anniversary. Seven years ago I walked down the aisle and married my best friend, someone I thought was going to be my forever. Fast forward 7 years later I was at the same church but not for myself but for my beautiful nieces communion. The symbolism of her in a beautiful white dress in the same church I married her Godfather in the same day; it actually gave me a sense of awe.

Probably one of the hardest things to do for me in the past couple of months was walking back into that church, a place that holds so many memories for so many years. I feel blessed, yes I said blessed; because with all of this God has not changed my heart. I see people the way others do not, I chose love over hate & I chose forgiveness over grudges. Lord knows it is not easy, and there are bad days and if it wasn’t for my support team I don’t know I’d have made it through them. There will be more to come I know it, and that’s okay because with each day I get stronger.  Shoot I will toot my own horn for a moment as I am always real and raw with you all! These months I have had to be stronger than I ever wanted to be, I thought being told no children was the worst this life was going to bring me; nope losing my marriage, dogs and house has taken the cake!

This is not a sad post, more so a victory post; us women can overcome a lot more than we think, and truly I don’t wish what I’ve endured on anyone. Only way to go is up and to focus on me, myself and I. I cannot be there for everyone like I want to be until I am mentally okay again.

Funny, I was on the phone with my nanny the other day and she said “are you really okay or putting up a front because I know how strong you are but you don’t have to be all the time”. I don’t know why but those words opened up the water gates in my eyes like nobodies business and she just let me cry, she was just genuinely there for me and it was what I needed in that moment. It is okay to not to be okay as I’ve made crystal clear, as it is just as okay to laugh in times when things are not perfect, its okay to smile and do things and try to be happy when your life is falling apart. A quote I now love “If you feel like you’re losing everything, remember that trees lose their leaves every year and they still stand tall and wait for better days to come”; sent to me by my lovely sister in law.

My life shall flourish in time, for now I will take it day by day and be grateful for what I have and the many blessings that have come my way.

Smiles,

Colie 🙂

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