Last post we shared with you the real raw truth of how infertility can effect men and women alike. Tonight we share how we made our decision to adopt via agency rather than go the private route.
This decision was made with research and two very amazing people who took the time out of their day to speak to me about the route they took and the ups & downs that went with it. Both stories were encouraging as they both have beautiful children via adoption.
Three weeks ago when we were only a few days into having decided adoption, a great friend of mine from church gave me a name of one of her good friends who had just gone through the adoption process a year ago & she gave her friend my contact information. Her friend messaged me right away on Instagram and said I could call her anytime, so we set up a phone call at night after she put her beautiful baby boy to bed. Jane chose private adoption and we sat on the phone for 45 minutes and I just kept writing notes as she was talking. Her story made me laugh, smile, cry & feel hopeful. It is a lot of work doing it private, you essentially do all the leg work with the help of an adoption attorney as well. In her case she had a wonderful journey and she said herself a very fortunate situation. She was contacted via social media by the birth mothers family & the rest was history. Jane did a lot of work to get to that point and her determination and her husbands support I believe was key. After our phone call I told Michael how hopeful the conversation made me and showed him my notes. We thought about it, made a pro and con list because by this time I had done research and found an agency we wanted to use & spoke briefly to an old friend who as well adopted and it was like a confirmation for us because she used the same agency we had inquired information from.
A week or so later I sat with my old friend who so kindly invited me into her home & I got to meet her precious daughter and got to hear all the details from using the agency , the ups, downs and in between that occurred during the process. Jessie was very honest and I got to see in person how they interacted and she said something that I believe many adoptive parents think ” will we have a bond like a biological child & I would” and without her even saying the next sentence you could just see the love, the fact that this beautiful little girl was a mini Jessie through and through. Jessie said it is like she is my blood, we are so in sync and you could see it. We talked for about 2 hours and she did not skip a beat, she had her whole binder out, I saw the financial breakdown, the paper work, I got to hear how her home study was. I even got to spend time with her daughter and we played with troll stickers. I left that afternoon feeling a sense of “wow”, I cried on and off the whole way home. “This could be us in a year or so”, for the first time in a long time between these two woman; Michael and I felt such peace about our decision to adopt.
That night Michael had came home and we sat on the couch and laid everything out on the table, I said private just seems like a lot of work and with us both working a lot I didn’t know if I could. That moment Michael looked at me and said ” babe, you know that would all be you and I am just being honest, your good with social media, and getting out there and I don’t have the time or attention span to do that” I felt a sense of gratitude to him, he was being so honest with me and just confirmed what I had thought in my mind that this would be a lot on me and a lot of work. With me finally getting myself help with my anxiety & depression & starting therapy again in order for me to become the best version of myself, it just is not the time to take on that task I am not saying it would not be worth it but for us the agency route is more logical & we send in the application by the end of this week!!
The support from these women, our families and friends have been nothing short of amazing, we are grateful. We started our go fund me and hope to throw some fundraisers as well very soon. More to come next week…