Hello there guys! I’m back,
Michael and I decided to start a family December 2014, we always had the thought in mind that if it is God’s will it will happen and never gave it much thought. Until I was explaining it to my gynecologist and she said lets run some tests, that was May of 2016. Let me rewind to January 2016, I woke up on 1.4.16 and decided time to get my life back , I had struggled with weight for too long and wanted a change, I joined boxfit and was in the best shape of my life by June of that year. When the results came back PCOS and symptoms similar to that of endometriosis I was determined to figure out how to still have a family. People with both PCOS and endometriosis can get pregnant it is not impossible so for me I would continue to eat no to low carb, all natural good food, until October 2016.
I will not go to deep in detail right now but Halloween 2016 is when we found out further news that would make getting pregnant impossible unless God himself wanted to provide a miracle. Anyways fast forward to today I have spent the last 2 years in a self wallowing mood, diet out the window, self care gone, I don’t even always recognize myself. Why? why did I let this news get the best of me that is not my character; I have overcome so much in my 28 years of life I am not sure why this was any different. It could be the fact that all I saw was devastation and sadness in Michael’s eyes for the longest time or the fact I felt I failed as a woman. Which is not further from the truth, just because you cannot carry a child in your womb does not make you any less of a woman the ones that can. Michael and I adore each other enough to make us happy for the rest of our lives and I believe that with my whole heart so today I am okay with what path we were meant to take.
I am Nicholle the girl who wore a 6x until she was in 4th grade, the girl that when she met her now husband wore children’s place and gap kids clothes and looked amazing. I have always put such a high standard on myself and my looks. I do not like myself even a smidgen and it does not matter how many times I hear I’m beautiful, if you don’t feel it you don’t believe it. I feel all these things but does it stop me from eating fast food or the bagel with cream cheese at work, or the chips and dip?. It truly is a mental space you have to be in and for the sake of our health Michael and I need to get on the healthy ban wagon because I am sick of being the 2 out of 3 overweight adults in America.
For those reading that struggle with weight or have either of the disorders I mentioned don’t lose hope, you CAN still have a family, you CAN mentally overcome the addiction to food and take control of your life, also I am not saying you have to be weight obsessed by any means but making sure your healthy is what should be your priority if you want to be around with your loved ones with years to come. I have a lot more to say on these topics but there is always next time.